A Heart at War...

It's been so long since I have written here..unjustifiably long. Two semesters have come, and gone and everything in my life has changed..

Firstly, I'll start with the parting of my roommate Michelle in December..How incredibly happy I was for her, to see her embrace the life ahead she's been waiting for. Marriage with the love of her life, and life in the city she grew up in. My heart leaped for joy for her, but it also ached with the thought of the next two years of my time at Moody without her. Now to look back, I'm not sure if I ever really dealt with her leaving...

I started dating a guy named Matt at the end of December. We met at the church (Sovereign Grace Ministries) I started attending in September...

Solid, trustworthy, honest...loyal...Matt. God blessed me so much with this guy. He's the kind of person that you want to run into. He's quiet, He's funny, He's honest. He's Godly, He's loving, He's giving- ooo sooo giving. Matt brings so much joy into my life..

I've learned so much about myself in the last few months....through struggles and through joys.

I've realized more of who I want to be...

I desire to be Godly...

I desire to be humble.

I desire to be whole.

I desire to be free.

I want to write/sing for God's glory.

I want to share Jesus with people in the streets of Chicago.

I want to stand up for the unborn.

My heart aches for these things...yet

my hearts in a war. A war against these things in me...my heart wants its own gain above everything else and my heart wants sin.

And somehow, everyday- God chases after all of my hearts' affection, again and again...

Showing me, who I am meant to be..

This war inside shows me..He is sanctifying me.

What a beautiful thing!

Forgiveness

I choose Forgiveness
It's something I fight for...because forgiveness makes me free.
Free ...free of the things that try and cling to me. Free. And I ..Love Freedom.
I choose Forgiveness because Jesus has forgiven me...

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14-15

"The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him."
Daniel 9:9

I choose Forgiveness because I know that Love wins in the end, God's Love endures forever... (Psalms 136)
I choose Forgiveness because I love mercy and kindness...(Micah 6:8)
I choose Forgiveness because ..even though those who have wronged me can never understand the pain they've caused me... Christ does and helps me, I choose Forgiveness because God is strong...stronger than me. (Hebrews 4:14-16)

Forgiveness makes me Free.
Free to be Everything God created me to be...

Jesus asks for Everything- Totally Obsessed...

Some things I've been thinking about...reading about -
Good quotes..and thoughts:

"The critical question for our generation- and for every generation is this- If you could have heaven, with no sickness and with all the friends you ever had on Earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasure you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?"

-John Piper...

Francis Chan writes in Crazy Love this , "Lukewarm people probably drink and swear less than the average, but besides that, they really aren't very different from your typical unbeliever. They equate their partially sanitized lives with holiness, but they couldn't be more wrong.."

"He wants all or nothing. The thought of a person calling himself a Christian without being a devoted follower of Christ is absurd. Were all messed up human beings, and no one is totally immune to the behaviors described. However, there is a difference between a life that is characterized by these sorts of mentalities and habits and a life that is in a process of being radically transformed."

"When we put it plainly like this- as a direct choice between God and our stuff- most of us would hope that we could choose God. But we need to realize how we spend our time, what our money goes toward, and where we will invest our energy is equivalent to choosing or rejecting Him. How could we think for even a second that something on this Earth compares to the Creator and Sustainer and Savior of all??"

"it is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism, that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel, It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church going, hollow-hearted prosperity."

Francis Chan " A person who is obsessed with Jesus thinks about heaven frequently. Obsessed people orient their lives around eternity; they are not fixed on what is here in front of them. A person who is obsessed is characterized by commitment, settled, passionate love for God, above and before every other thing and every other being. Obsessed people are more concerned about obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don't always make sense in terms of success or wealth on this Earth. People who are obsessed with Jesus give freely and openly without censure. Obsessed people love those who hate them and who can never love them back. A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the sin of pride is always a battle. Obsessed people know that you can never be "humble enough," and so they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known. People who are obsessed are raw with God; they do not attempt to mask the ugliness of their sins of failures. Obsessed people don't put it on for God; He is their safe place, where they can be at peace. People who are obsessed with Jesus do not consider service a burden. Obsessed people take joy in loving God by loving His people. "
"People who are obsessed with God have an intimate relationship with Him. They are nourished by God's word throughout the day because they know that forty minutes in Sunday School is not enough to sustain them for a whole week, especially when they will encounter so many distractions and alternative messages. A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the best thing he can do is to be faithful to his Savior in every aspect of his life. continually saying "Thank You!" to God. An obsessed person knows there can never be intimacy if he is always trying to pay God back or work hard enough to be worthy. He reveals in his role as child and friend of God."


Lord- make me like You, change me, guard me...mold me. I just want to be like You. Be my Everything. Invade every part of Me...
Totally Obsessed with You...because it's all For You. I'm in love with You.

A little of summertime, summertime

Me and my Papa!

I'm a strange one...in a strange place...??

Arturo and I, Besties :], although he is frowning here...hmm?

Mommie and me <3

G and me!

That's a happier face Arturo!

Gretchen and I after some sun ..

My mom and papa!!!!

It's summertime, summertime!

And were such weirdo's!

I love these people!

Ramblings from my Heart...

I'm pretty in love with Jesus..I feel like everyday I'm more amazed by Him. He makes me new, He fills my cup to overflowing...He always heals me and He puts passion in my heart. He gives me new perspective, He gives me JOY. He takes my heart and shapes it into something beautiful. He gives me vision and captivates all of my attention. I was talking to a friend the other day about this exact thing. When a person surrenders all to Jesus it isn't just like following any religion; Jesus ...the gospel -totally seeps into every area of your life. He comes in and invades your everything. He invades your mind, your heart- your very soul. He hits everything within you with His light...so that you can see. He shows you your sin, and covers them with His blood. He shows you that He is all that you need and gives you Himself. He wraps you in His righteousness, in His grace and in His Love. He takes the ashes of your life and returns beauty. He REALLY does. Isaiah wasn't kidding.

Jesus walks with you...communes with you ..Lives with you. I ask myself, who am I that the King of Glory, the Creator...wants to come and talk with me? This great God crowns me with love and compassion, satisfies my desires with good things and He renews me. He comes into my life as a mighty warrior and trains my hands for war and my fingers to fight...to fight against the evil that comes against my life. And you know what- He always wins! I look back on some of the hardest times of my life and you know what I remember, I remember Jesus being right there. I remember Him calming my restless, anxious heart. I remember Him taking my pain..reminding me that I'm His daughter. In the midst of chaos ..Jesus brought me peace. He revives me, He restores me and He breaths new life into me; He utterly consumes every part of me. He reveals Himself to me- in His word, with His words, with His creation...and I find that He is all around me. There is not a place I go that He is not with me. He welcomes me into that inner court room ...and all I can do is fall on my face in worship. He is constantly graceful, merciful, loving...He is always good. I know, I've experienced it!

There is absolutely nothing like knowing Jesus...

Paul says it best:

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him."

Wow. As the Psalmist says, better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere...! I love the courts of the Lord! That's where I want to be more than anywhere else. All the sinful things this world has to offer me, all those worldly treasures are just facades ...they're worthless! They mean nothing to me. Just give me Jesus. More and More and More of Jesus. Like a father gives His children, God has given me e very good thing. I am unworthy ...but He still gives, gives and gives. I could go on forever! If I had all the paper in the world to write about Him, it wouldn't be enough..If I could paint a thousand works of art it wouldn't display how beautiful He is...If I could sing a million songs about How great He is..it still wouldn't be enough.

Jesus has all of my hearts' affection ...

Truth isn't Hate.

It is about time I share my comments about the recent murder of late-term Abortionist George Tiller.  Being an activist for life my whole life, and being an abortion survivor my feelings against abortion are strong.  In no way do I condone the murder of George Tiller, violence is NOT the answer.  "Abortionist George Tiller died the way He lived".  (Operation Save America, Rusty Thomas)  This statement is very true.  Very sad, and very true.  Tiller had to stand before the Author of Life and give an account for the life he lived.  The facts are that he lived a life of slaughtering babies..  

Unfortunately the media will surely use this situation to attack pro-lifers and people that stand for truth.  Does that mean we stop speaking truth?  Never!  Rescue those unjustly sentenced to death; do not sit back and let them die! Proverbs 24:11 "

They call us spreading hate by speaking the truth....To say that abortion is murder is truth, to say that Abortionist George Killer murdered babies is truth.  To say that it was wrong for Scott Roeder to kill Tiller is truth.  

     

Truth isn't hate.  We need to continue to stand up against Injustice.    

Good days with Friends in Chicago!

  Gretchen and I in Chicago!  

My great friend Bobbie in Chicago..

My Roomie Michelle and I